He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
