how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
