Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
