I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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