He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
