Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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