everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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