It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
