Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
