break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
