So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
