I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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