They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
