I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
