can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Floor bacon is actually really good
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
