I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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