Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
