is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
