I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
