i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
