i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
