Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
