who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
