You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
