i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
