Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
