im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
