I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
