smell my finger.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
