HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
