Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
