I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
