do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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