i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
