got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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