Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
