If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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