Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
