I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
