3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Randomize
