taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
