If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
3pm strippers are depressing
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
