I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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