tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
