I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
