the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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