yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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