Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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