yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
