would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
