We're like a lot better than the average bears
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
