I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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